Snips Snails and Pigtails

Why are women so mean to one another?

Have you ever been a member of a message board? I'm talking of Mommy Message boards in particular, although I've seen my fair share of others that end in doom and gloom much the same way.

It's like when you first start dating someone, and things are going great. Everyone is so friendly, the conversation is good and witty. You’ve become part of a community. You realize there are others out there just like you! With spit up drenched shoulders and tantrum spouting toddlers. Other Moms who just like you, can't decide whether to stay home after their new baby is born or whether spanking is appropriate. You're suddenly not alone and it's a fabulous feeling.

Then, slowly but surely the conversation begins to lack style and substance. There are spurts of wit here and there, but mostly it's the same, tired, obvious jokes made over and over. The black cloud comes rolling in and you begin to notice the jabs of bitchiness and passive aggressiveness. People begin to complain about each other behind their backs. Judging each other and assigning labels (which are often appropriate, but things you'd never say to each others faces)

You know what I mean every groups got them. There's the whiner, the drama queen, the alarmist, the pessimist.... can you believe she started ANOTHER thread? Hasn't she heard of Google? Why can’t she use spell check? Seriously, are all those exclamation points !!! really !!! necessary? The whining begins to actually turn painful to listen to. (read)

It's then that you realize, things have changed. These are just people after all and your vent place has become the place you need to vent about.

Many are unhappy, yet they still continue visiting and posting. The same jokes, whines and worries and the same people responding, only now everyone's true feelings are behind a facade and everyone knows it. It isn't fun anymore. It's not the same as it used to be.

So why does it happen? The bigger question, what do you do about it?

Seriously, my hands are just as dirty. It's a debacle.

Do I shut down the once fabulous amazing support group and just walk away?

You ever have those days where everything you say or do seems to be wrong?

Have you ever felt out of place in your life?

Like you don't know how you got there or what you want to do about it??


Like you've fallen and you can't get up?

I have. I am. I do.

I'm finding myself questioning and pondering things that I dare not even say out loud. I can't even bare the thought of these things in my head let alone let them escape for others to chew on.

Instead I wear the happy face and hand out the expressive, thoughtful, warm feeling type of comments to those around me...but really it's just a mask. One that's hiding the ugly awful truth that I have completely lost my direction and have no clue where to go from here.

I don't know who my friends are. Who can I trust? What is a friend anyway? Who actually cares?

What do I do with this child? This lovely, beautiful, difficult, enraging child? Why is she like this? What did we do? What can we change? Why do I suddenly feel this way?

*sigh*

Yeah, this is why I have avoided the blog lately. Deep down, it's all dark and unhappy. A total funk.

I'll pull out someday. In the meantime, it's easier to wear the mask and pretend. I did take theatre... it's all good.

....and he's going to bring it to us.




Congratulations President Obama!!

What was I thinking????

It was adorable to watch as she sat there with her finger resting carefully over the bridge of her nose, thumb inserted in her mouth, sucking away so diligently. FREAKING ADORABLE I tell you.

Oh, and the convenience of it!!

Oh boy, let me tell you how nice it was to never lose behind the crib or under the seats of the car.

Yep, no getting up stumbling around in the dark to replace said pacifier in mouth at 2am either! It was never dropped on the filthy grocery store floor.

I thought I must have been nuts to encourage my boys to use pacifiers when they were babies, this thumb-sucking thing suddenly seemed so much easier.



Um.... I take it all back.

She'll be 4 soon and her thumb is still attached to her face.

So how do I break her of the habit? I've never had to do this before. My boys were all pacifier babies. They all self weaned off those but heck, if all else fails you just toss the darn thing in the trash can! Somehow I don't think tossing her thumb in the trash can would be such a good idea?

I've been looking into options and it seems there are a couple option out there. First there's the nasty flavored stuff you paint on the nail. It doesn't get very high reviews though. Seems the kids just keep on sucking! Then there's the Thumb Guard. They eliminate the pleasurable sensations of sucking...






But it's a whooping $75!!





There's also the idea that the blankie and thumb go hand in hand.

Literally.
You see, she never sucks her thumb without her blankie. She holds the tag of the blanket in her hand and then sucks her thumb.


So in theory, if we lose the blankie we'll lose the.... But WAIT this is treading on thin water.











You see, I was traumatized by my mother at a very young age when she took my blankie away. I don't think I ever got over it. Perhaps that's one reason why our relationship is so strained today. (Read this post) I just can't see doing that to my daughter. No way- no how.


Do you have any suggestions????

Did you know that's really a word? A Gossipmonger is a person habitually engaged in idle talk about others. Which brings me to my thoughts for the day: Why do woman gossip?

HEY NOW, don't go hiding from me. You know you're just as guilty as the next. To some, gossiping is like second nature!

According to Wikipedia:

Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.

You know what I am talking about right? We all have friends who nitpick, sensationalize, over-think and scrutinize others.

An ancient African proverb says,

"If a woman speaks two words, take one and leave the other".

I was recently in a position where I found myself analyzing a particular part of my life. (Okay, okay, I was sitting in a car for over 12 hrs with nothing better to do with my time) I understand, it's easy to sit and judge others from afar. To point, snicker and comment on their situation.

...But when the table turns on you what are you left with? You're left with a feeling of mistrust and uncertainty. Where does that get you? How does one think gossip will improve or change the situation? It doesn't, it just puts up walls and pops the bubble called trust between friends.

I stumbled upon a blog recently. I won't share the link. It's an Adoption blog, only their Adoption has no happy ending like ours. They speak of wanting to disrupt. They have not attached to the children and the entire situation sounds like pure hell. For awhile now, I've judged this person. I've wanted to share the link with others and talk about how awful this family must be. I've come to realize, when it all comes down to it... I have no right! I am not in their shoes therefore I don't know how bad it truly must be for them.

I've met many families along the way that are taking a similar Journey as we are with Chiari Malformation and Pseudotumor Cerebri. (The conditions my son NJ suffers from) While I like to think we're all on the same journey, our stories are just as alike as they are different! It's hard sometimes for some of us to remember that and I think we can get carried away in our comparisons. It's hard for me to sit and listen to family after family talking about and comparing their children to one another.

I want to be a better person. I'm going to better myself and quit judging the Adoptive parents who want to disrupt and the parents that we've questioned just how sick their child really was. I'm going to try my hardest to keep the behaviors of other people and my opinions of them to myself.

Just saying.

Hey- maybe that will be my New Year resolution? GAH, sorry for the deep post. No more 12 hr road trips for me! *wink*

Today is Deep Thought Tuesday

... and well ya know, I'm not really in the mood.

Apparently neither was Miss South Carolina. I'm sure most of you have seen the video where the young woman in the Miss Teen USA pageant attempted to answer a question presented to her. But have you ever seen this interpretation....

So I missed National Adoption Day. It was on Saturday! As we approach the 1 year Anniversary of our own Princess's Adoption, it brings me great joy to tell you a little about National Adoption Day.

*Traditionally, National Adoption Day is celebrated the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Out of respect for the nation's remembrance of the 45th anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy on November 22, the National Adoption Day Coalition elected to move the celebration of National Adoption Day this year only to the Saturday prior.

I encourage you to revisit a post I made quite some time ago... Myth vs. Reality in Adoption Plus, here are few new ones!


Myth: There are not enough loving families available who want to adopt children from foster care.
Fact: Four in 10 American adults have considered adoption, according to a National Adoption Attitudes Survey funded by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. That translates into more than 80 million Americans.

If only one out of 500 Americans adopted out of the foster care system, the 114,000 available children in foster care would have permanent, loving families.

Research indicates that there are many families that are interested in foster care adoption but that more needs to be done to find ways to connect these families with waiting children. Through National Adoption Day, the Coalition puts a national spotlight on the waiting children in foster care in the hope that more people will take steps to adopt.


Myth: There’s too much red tape and bureaucracy involved in adopting a child from foster care.
Fact: Congress has streamlined the foster care adoption process through enactment of the Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997. This law stipulates that children in foster care, who cannot be reunited with their birth parents, are freed for adoption and placed with permanent families as quickly as possible.


Myth: Adopting a child from Foster Care is expensive.
Fact: Actually, adopting children from foster care is virtually free! Most agencies do not charge for the services they provide to families who are adopting a child from foster care. Congress has also made federal tax credits available for Foster Care Adoptions to offset fees, court costs, legal and travel expenses. In 2003, the Adoption Tax Credit was increased to $10,000!



Myth: Adoptive parents must be a modern version of June and Ward Cleaver.
Fact: Prospective adoptive parents do not have to be rich, married, own a home, or be of a certain race or age to become an adoptive parent (One-third of adoptions from foster care are by single parents). Love, patience, a good sense of humor and the commitment to be a good parent are the most important characteristics.


Myth: All children in Foster Care have some kind of physical, mental or emotional handicap; that's why they're classified as "special needs".
Fact: The term “special needs” is somewhat misleading, because it can mean that the child is older, a minority or requires placement with his/her siblings. While some children are dealing with physical or emotional concerns, just like other children, they need the nurturing support only a permanent family can provide. Many children in foster care are in the “system” because their birth parents weren’t protective and nurturing caretakers—not because the children did anything wrong or because there is something wrong with them.


Myth: Children in Foster Care have too much baggage
Fact: This is one of the biggest myths of all. Children have enormous potential and given love, patience and a stable environment often thrive. Ask former US Senator, Ben Nighthorse Campbell or Minnesota Viking Dante Culpepper. They were both foster children who were adopted by loving, caring familes!

So spread the word! There are resources available to help potential parents take the first step towards adopting out of Foster Care. For more information log on to www.nationaladoptionday.org, www.davethomasfoundation.org, www.adoptUSkids.org, or simply call 1-800-TO-ADOPT.

This Summer gas was at an all time high. I'm sure we won't soon forget the prices climb over $4 a gallon!

If you're like me, you've noticed those prices recently begin to fall. Yay!! In fact, after coming home from dinner the other night we passed a gas station and it's listed price was just $1.79.

$1.79!!!!!!! *NO JOKE*

Of course, that brought back all sorts of memories for my husband and I.

I remember filling up at the pump in High School and it cost me less than $10 to fill the tank. I do have to consider that I now have a monster 8 cyl. Expedition compared to a sporty little 4 cyl. MX3... but still!

The economy is in the dumps. Gas prices are falling. How far will they go? Will we see $0.99 a gallon again!?!? I can't help but feel giddy just thinking about regardless of the economy. Especially considering we're taking a road trip in the next few weeks up to Chicago. We're taking the whole family this time, should be FUN right? It will certainly help our our stress levels knowing how much less we're having to shell out for fuel to get there.

History was made yesterday.

"Tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America"

I'm not going to sit and write about who I voted for or why. The fact of the matter is Obama, son of a black father from Kenya and white mother from Kansas, marked a milestone in U.S. history. 45 long years after the height of the civil rights movement led by Martin Luther King. (If only Martin Luther King could be here today!!!!)

This is a day of History for our children. A day none of them (or us) will ever forget.

I remember 1986, sitting on the floor in the hallway at school with dozens of other children. We were gathered and placed in front of a big tv on a cart to watch the live coverage of the Space Shuttle Challenger. The room was abuzz with excitement. This was a unique mission into space. It was scheduled to be the first flight of a new program called TISP, the Teacher In Space Program. One of our very own Teachers was a finalist in the program. While she didn't make it on the Shuttle, we all somehow felt a connection to this particular flight because of it. Everyone sat and watched the shuttle take off into the air. It was something most of us had never seen before. Seventy three seconds into the mission, the Challenger exploded, killing the entire crew. Being a child, I guess I didn't really know what we were watching. I didn't understand why all of the Teachers suddenly grew quiet, turned off the TV and took us back to our classrooms. The rest of the day was somber and I didn't understand the impact that crash would have on the entire Country.



I remember on Sept. 11, 2001...
I was driving my oldest child to Kindergarten, listening on the radio as they spoke of a possible terrorist attack, a bomb or something at the World Trade Center in New York City. I honestly thought it was one of the Morning DJ's frequent jokes and didn't pay much attention to it. Imagine my surprise to arrive home, flip on the TV and within minutes watch LIVE as the 2nd airplane flew into the Twin Towers.



Do you remember?
When the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City was bombed?
When Princess Diana was killed?
The day MLK was killed?
President Kennedy was shot?

While most of these were tragedy's, I hope and pray this election will be remembered in celebration. I watched on TV last night the speeches by McCain and finally Obama. I'll admit that part of me wanted to run and wake my older children from their slumber to come and watch along with me as history was made. Unfortunately, I couldn't bring myself to do it. This may sound crazy to you, but the entire time Obama spoke, I was cringing. Not because of Obama, but because I was so afraid someone was going to assassinate him right then and there.

I wish it wasn't so, but President Elect Obama will need all the support and protection he can get. There are already threats upon his life. In fact two white supremacists have allegedly plotted to go on a national killing spree, shooting and decapitating black people and ultimately targeting Barack Obama. Racism is still alive and well here in America, despite how far the times have come. I cringe when I hear the harsh comments being made by passerby's and neighbors now that Obama has been elected the next President of the United States of America. It's like all their "Christian" morals that they were so likely to boast theses last few months were completely thrown out the window.

Come on people. Let the color of his skin go. Let's work together in this new day, to make for a better America!! "YES WE CAN"


I don't want another tragic memory, and I don't want that for my Children.

You know, it kind of sucks when you have to choose between your children!

It's Football Playoff time. Both of my kids teams made the playoffs.

Here's the story:
Christopher plays football for the Jr. High. He's played football for 6 years now and yet they put him on 2nd string! If he get's to play at all, it will probably be in the 2nd half when they're no longer at risk of loosing anymore.

This is Trey's first year playing football. He's a natural and a key player for the Team. He plays nearly the entire game both offensive and deffensive lines.

Both games are at the same time this evening.

The Problem:
I am only 1 person.

What to do?????

Of course I jokingly explained to Christopher that I couldn't be at both games at the same time. I guess I was hoping he would tell me not to worry about coming to his game since he didn't get to play much.

It didn't work. He instead chanted: "Come to mine, come to mine, come to mine"!

Ah, can you say backfire?? Now it kind of makes more sense to me to go to Trey's game since this is his first year playing, but when your older child practically begs you to come to HIS....

GAH, this sucks.

Recently, we've been having major sleep issues with The Princess. Because of this, we've succumbed to teaching her to stay in her room when she wakes up several times throughout the night.

Each night upon tucking her into bed, I tell her to look outside. I explain to her that it's dark outside and that means the Sun has gone to bed. I say... "Now remember, you don't come out of your room until the Sun get's up, okay?"

Then, this evening as we're driving home from an appointment (it's dark outside) she and I have the following conversation-

Princess: Mommy, where did the Sun go???

Me: The Sun went the nite-nite hunny.

Princess: Nooooo!!! The Sun can't go nite-nite.

Me: Yes it can, it was tired. It had to go nite-nite.

Princess: But the Sun didn't eat lunch yet! (She get's the terms lunch/dinner mixed up still.) She was VERY concerned that the Sun had gone down without eating his dinner.

Me: Well no, I don't think Sun's eat dinner hun.

Princess: YES! Yes, they do. They do eat dinner!

Me: ????

chirp...chirp...chirp...
Can you hear the crickets chirping?

Hmmm. I didn't even know what to say back to that so I just left it alone! No sense arguing with a 3 yr old who thinks the Sun eats dinner before heading off to bed. Especially since "I" was the one that started it.

... I wonder what they eat?

I've blogged about this before, but I feel I MUST post it again. I admit, I haven't run into many issues regarding Adoption Language...thankfully.

Unfortunately, there are a few people out there that don't seem to understand their words can be EXTREMELY hurtful. It really stings when someone refers to your child as anything less than YOURS. I think the blinkie in my sidebar sums it up quite nicely.

What is...

A Natural Child? Any Child that is not artificial.
A Real Parent? Any Parent that is not imaginary.
Your own Child? Any Child that is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child? A Natural Child, with a Real Parent, who is all my own!


So for those of you that don't already know, here are some tips on how to refer to other people's "Adopted Children"...

Use Positive language (Negative language is noted in parentheses)

Just say...
Birthparent (Don't say "Real parent"! It's crass)

Biological parent (Don't say "Natural parent" because we are NOT artificial!)

Birth child (Don't say "Own child" because he/she IS all my own)

Your child (Don't refer to my child as "Your adopted child" He/She is just my child. Plain and simple. I don't describe your child with a verb. How would you like for me to say, "I am going to pick up their short child from Kindergarten for them" It's the same thing.)

Terminating parental rights (Don't say "Giving up" because not all adopted children were voluntarily placed for Adoption.)

Made an adoption plan (It's much nicer than "Gave away"!)

Chose to parent (Don't say "Chose to keep")

Waiting child (Adoptable child)

Making contact with (Reunion)

Parent (Again, I am her PARENT, not her "Adoptive parent")

Child placed for adoption (NEVER say "An unwanted child")

Child with special needs (Handicapped child)

Child from abroad (Don't use the term, "Foreign child". This is self explainable)

Was adopted ("Is adopted" places a label on a child. WAS Adopted is past tense. We've moved on and she is now a permanent member of our family.)

I am obsessed with the Caylee Anthony case.

"Two-year-old Caylee Anthony is missing and according to her mother Casey Anthony, she has been missing since June 9, 2008. Anthony told investigators that she left Caylee with a friend and nanny, but has since lost contact with her friend. Police were not told about the missing child until July 15, 2008, when the child’s grandparents reported Caylee missing after confronting Casey and learning that the mother had not seen her daughter for well over a month."

I find myself constantly running thoughts through my head. I'm reading all the details online that I can find. I'm watching 15-20 minute court rulings, interviews and jail visits....and why?? I am in no way involved with the case. They do not live near me and I have nothing to gain or lose.

Well, except for my time that is. Time that I don't have enough of already. :-(

Why did the mother wait over 30 days to report her child missing?
Why is she so flat!? There's no emotion there. Where are the tears?? Could she have really hurt her little girl and disposed of her? If so, she's a pathological liar, and a tad psychotic if you ask me. How can the mom go out and party at the Clubs when her 2 y/o daughter is MISSING? Is she mentally ill? Is she a drug addict? I don't really see either in the pictures and videos released. Then again, if she's truly on the straight and narrow then WHAT HAPPENED TO HER DAUGHTER!?


Where is Caylee?????

See for yourself! Watch these Jail House Tapes.



Ugggh... I have my own problems and family to worry about. Why in the heck do I need to worry about theirs too!?