You ever have those days where everything you say or do seems to be wrong?

Have you ever felt out of place in your life?

Like you don't know how you got there or what you want to do about it??


Like you've fallen and you can't get up?

I have. I am. I do.

I'm finding myself questioning and pondering things that I dare not even say out loud. I can't even bare the thought of these things in my head let alone let them escape for others to chew on.

Instead I wear the happy face and hand out the expressive, thoughtful, warm feeling type of comments to those around me...but really it's just a mask. One that's hiding the ugly awful truth that I have completely lost my direction and have no clue where to go from here.

I don't know who my friends are. Who can I trust? What is a friend anyway? Who actually cares?

What do I do with this child? This lovely, beautiful, difficult, enraging child? Why is she like this? What did we do? What can we change? Why do I suddenly feel this way?

*sigh*

Yeah, this is why I have avoided the blog lately. Deep down, it's all dark and unhappy. A total funk.

I'll pull out someday. In the meantime, it's easier to wear the mask and pretend. I did take theatre... it's all good.

8 messages:

  1. mannequin said...

    Someday's I feel like supermom, superblogger, superwife and then other days, it's hard to see the light. Some days I feel just as you.

    I do so hope you find your path Kristen. The answer will come.


    hugs  

  2. Sharla said...

    Oh, sweetie. I don't even know you but I will be your friend. A friend is someone you can trust. A friend is someone you can turn to when you feel this way, and they'll love you anyway. I have felt the way you have more times and more often than you would believe. I don't know if it helps to know you're not alone, I know it doesn't really help make it easier, but you're not alone. If you ever need to talk you can email me at sharlacarbine at gmail.com. Two questions I have if you don't mind me asking are do you a specific religion and have you ever been diagnosed with depression? Two very personal questions, so only answer if you want to. Good luck, I will be praying for you!  

  3. Dorsey said...

    I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you are SO not alone!!! I've been right there with you more times than I care to recall. Hang in there!  

  4. Brunabug said...

    I think there must be something in the air. I am feeling the same way right now. If most of how you are feeling has to do with Princess then I am totally with you. Bug is causing some huge difficulties in our lives right now. I will try and email you.  

  5. Michelle said...

    Kristen,
    My heartbreaks when I read this. You know that there are many of us "sisters" who walk the same path that you do. We are all only a phone call away. When I was in my dark spot, which I sometimes still revisit, blogging helped. Not always did people want to hear it, but it is the way you feel and well they can either read it and lend a shoulder or stop reading. :D
    Hang in there. I promise that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and we are all here for you!

    MANY MANY MANY HUGS!
    Michelle (and the crew)  

  6. Shelia said...

    Kristen,

    My heart goes out to you. I think all of us mothers know how you're feeling right about now. Between trying to be supermom, the best wife and friend, an individual, and all the work that comes with those... it's easy to lose your path. (I have on more than one occassion). Trust in the fact that God will lend his hand to lead you down the right path. And from reading your comments... you have many true friends (even if you haven't met them yet:). You're in my prayers.

    Love from Kansas.
    Shelia  

  7. Cole Twins said...

    Hey hon -

    I hear you on EVERYTHING you've said in your entry. I am in the same boat you are. I have been questioning every move I make with Carson, I am not sure who I can talk to about all of it, some bash my decision, some honor it with open arms. I hear you. If you ever need to talk, I AM HERE! And I totally understand where you are and what you are going through. You are not alone!!

    (((BIG HUGS)))  

  8. Cole Twins said...

    Hey, I just thought I would check in with you to see how you are doing!! Miss ya!  


 

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