I've learned recently that I REALLY need to focus more on letting things go.

If you know me very well, you know that I can hold a grudge.
If you don't know my very well, you should know....
I can hold a grudge.

Yep. I mean it. I can hold a grudge for a V.E.R.Y. long time.
Want an example?
I haven't spoken to my Aunt in almost 5 years! She's never even met my daughter.

Apparently, my late father pulled my husband aside 12 yrs ago when he learned we were engaged to be married. He actually asked my (then) Fiance if he was sure what he was getting himself into...He went on to explain how extremely stubborn I was. MY OWN FATHER did this!?

(I'm so glad my husband didn't tell me this information until 11 yrs later!)

Of course like all of us there have been situations over the years. I've been able to let some things go, while others I continue to steam about. I decided I need to let all of those things go. Life is just too short to waste, moping around worrying about what happened in the past.

On a separate but related note, I've also learned that I REALLY need to stop worrying about what other people think. It's so bad, I often stay away from my very own blog because I don't want to offend any my readers. Well you know what? This is MY BLOG and so I think I'll write whatever I want to write about. If you don't like it, then go away.

*wow, I actually said that outloud*

So, I'm going to let things go and stop worrying about what other people think. I am who I am. I'll do what I want to do. If you don't like it, then go find someone else who cares.

(sorry to bore you with my self therapeutic session here)

OH WAIT! I'm not apologizing for that! This is my blog and I'll do with it as I please.

Ahhh, so I guess it's a start right? haha

Why are women so mean to one another?

Have you ever been a member of a message board? I'm talking of Mommy Message boards in particular, although I've seen my fair share of others that end in doom and gloom much the same way.

It's like when you first start dating someone, and things are going great. Everyone is so friendly, the conversation is good and witty. You’ve become part of a community. You realize there are others out there just like you! With spit up drenched shoulders and tantrum spouting toddlers. Other Moms who just like you, can't decide whether to stay home after their new baby is born or whether spanking is appropriate. You're suddenly not alone and it's a fabulous feeling.

Then, slowly but surely the conversation begins to lack style and substance. There are spurts of wit here and there, but mostly it's the same, tired, obvious jokes made over and over. The black cloud comes rolling in and you begin to notice the jabs of bitchiness and passive aggressiveness. People begin to complain about each other behind their backs. Judging each other and assigning labels (which are often appropriate, but things you'd never say to each others faces)

You know what I mean every groups got them. There's the whiner, the drama queen, the alarmist, the pessimist.... can you believe she started ANOTHER thread? Hasn't she heard of Google? Why can’t she use spell check? Seriously, are all those exclamation points !!! really !!! necessary? The whining begins to actually turn painful to listen to. (read)

It's then that you realize, things have changed. These are just people after all and your vent place has become the place you need to vent about.

Many are unhappy, yet they still continue visiting and posting. The same jokes, whines and worries and the same people responding, only now everyone's true feelings are behind a facade and everyone knows it. It isn't fun anymore. It's not the same as it used to be.

So why does it happen? The bigger question, what do you do about it?

Seriously, my hands are just as dirty. It's a debacle.

Do I shut down the once fabulous amazing support group and just walk away?

Princess has been silly lately making all sorts of funny faces. She especially loves doing it as I watch in the rear-view mirror (Yes, while driving. She insists!) lol.

Anyway, I captured several but until I get a chance to upload, edit and post them I thought I'd give you a sneak peek...


The past few weeks have been nothing but haze. As I sit and try and update this I honestly have a hard time picking and choosing what the write about.

Princess has been more difficult than ever. Just when I think we're going to have a breakthrough and she will realize that she's 4 now and should stop the crazy behavior, she does something else. I swear some of the things she does are things we've learned about in our Foster Parenting classes that are classic of abused and neglected kids. (Her latest antics are urinating on the floor behind her bed and she's escalated the stealing and hiding that she's done since very early on, before we even considered it "stealing") Yet she was never abused or neglected!! We got her straight from the Hospital. It makes me wonder how much genetics really plays in each of us.

I've been thinking a lot about the comments said on the stand during the trail before the Adoption was finalized. At the advice our our attorney we hired this Psychologist who came in and observed our family interactions with Princess. She did an independent bonding assesment to present to the court. This woman had studied and written books on Bonding and Attachment and was an expert in the field. Did you know Bonding and Attatchment are 2 very different things? I didn't, that is until we listened to her speak that day on the stand. She talked about how even newborns suffer loss when separated from their Biological Mothers. Some more than others, but it was well documented and it didn't matter how good of a home that the child went too. So is this something that Princess suffered? Is the reason she has such strange behaviors now?

I admit, that really seems like a stretch. After all, she's 4 yrs old now! Seems she would have gotten past that by now.

In the meantime, the two of us continue to butt heads. I try and be as consistent as possible with her. In the past, this was very difficult because hubby had the mentality that she was his perfect princess and let her get away with everything- but now even he is frustrated with her.

Yesterday was just awful. She awoke in a bad mood and I knew it was going to be a bad day. We ended up going shopping for new shoes for the boys. She was sitting in the cart fussing because I wouldn't let her stand up in the cart. (Imagine that!? I'm such a mean terrible mom hu?) Unfortunately, she cannot be trusted to walk and must be in the cart. Anyway, she reached up and slapped me across the face for no apparent reason. It completely took me by surprise and I reacted. That was just the beginning of our difficult day. Just an hour later I had to take her kicking and screaming away from her Soccer Game because she was acting up and I verbally told her if she wouldn't stop then we were leaving. Of course, I had to follow through- so off we went. The boys and I had the pleasure of listening to her scream miserably the whole way home.

The afternoon didn't improve much. I tried taking her outside while I worked in the yard but she wouldn't stay nearby and kept wandering off. We don't have a fence and back to an open space filled with trees and a pond. We had a Coyote appear in our backyard just last week wanting to feast on our new puppy. I just can't have her wandering off like that!! After 2 warnings I had to take her inside to her room. We are very consistent- yet she STILL DOESN'T LEARN!?!?!?

I'm spent. I'm frustrated and questioning things I never imagined I'd be questioning. I need to post more because I feel so much better when I do....


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