Why are women so mean to one another?

Have you ever been a member of a message board? I'm talking of Mommy Message boards in particular, although I've seen my fair share of others that end in doom and gloom much the same way.

It's like when you first start dating someone, and things are going great. Everyone is so friendly, the conversation is good and witty. You’ve become part of a community. You realize there are others out there just like you! With spit up drenched shoulders and tantrum spouting toddlers. Other Moms who just like you, can't decide whether to stay home after their new baby is born or whether spanking is appropriate. You're suddenly not alone and it's a fabulous feeling.

Then, slowly but surely the conversation begins to lack style and substance. There are spurts of wit here and there, but mostly it's the same, tired, obvious jokes made over and over. The black cloud comes rolling in and you begin to notice the jabs of bitchiness and passive aggressiveness. People begin to complain about each other behind their backs. Judging each other and assigning labels (which are often appropriate, but things you'd never say to each others faces)

You know what I mean every groups got them. There's the whiner, the drama queen, the alarmist, the pessimist.... can you believe she started ANOTHER thread? Hasn't she heard of Google? Why can’t she use spell check? Seriously, are all those exclamation points !!! really !!! necessary? The whining begins to actually turn painful to listen to. (read)

It's then that you realize, things have changed. These are just people after all and your vent place has become the place you need to vent about.

Many are unhappy, yet they still continue visiting and posting. The same jokes, whines and worries and the same people responding, only now everyone's true feelings are behind a facade and everyone knows it. It isn't fun anymore. It's not the same as it used to be.

So why does it happen? The bigger question, what do you do about it?

Seriously, my hands are just as dirty. It's a debacle.

Do I shut down the once fabulous amazing support group and just walk away?

4 messages:

  1. Anonymous said...

    I usually just don't read the stuff or don't comment if I find myself upset. I have gotten irriated and eliminated a group membership a few times.  

  2. Dorsey said...

    I was in several of these years ago. I ultimately decided to walk away from them. Sure, I lost some connection I had THOUGHT were strong enough to withstand the journey, but I believe I'm better off overall.  

  3. M said...

    You just pretty much outlined why I'm not on Babycenter anymore. It's ridiculous. I have a private message board with 9 ladies I met on there and it is SO much better.  

  4. Staci said...

    It seems that anytime a group starts, things end up getting catty. I've been part of several boards, and have only found one where it seems everyone is welcomed and gets along well.

    But, I have no idea what to do about it. Best of luck to you!  


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