Snips Snails and Pigtails

I entered Princess's Adoption video in a contest over at Adoption Voices

...Well guess what??? It's in the top 10!! YAY!!!

So would you do me a favor? Stop by and vote for our video and help us get to the top 5.

In order for your vote to count, you have to leave a comment. I promise it won't take but a second.

Click here to view our Adoption Montage

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE

Check out this AWESOME new website....

Adoption Voices

It's an Adoption Social Network!

Absolutely filled to the brim with support and excellent information.

If Adoption has touched your lives in any way, you'll find something there for you.

So I'm a bit freaked out at the moment.

While I haven't posted much lately here on my blog I still manage to read everyone else's blogs EVERY DAY. So I sat down with my Computer where I promptly opened up Google Reader to see what everyone has been up to. I began reading and my jaw literally hit the floor.

This blog went on to discuss a Parenting Webinar coming up later in May called: Parenting from the Trenches . It is for Parents dealing with Attachment Disorder. No big deal really. I've learned a lot about Attachment Disorder in our Foster Parenting classes so I basically just skimmed over the post ready to move on to something new and more interesting.

But the sentence... "Do you have a child who lies, steals, sneaks, stalks, hordes, chatters non-stop, or urinates in places other than the potty, etc?" ...brought me straight back to reality in a flash.

Could my Princess be suffering from Attachment Disorder?
She has every.single.one. of those behaviors.

Attachment Disorder isn't all that unusual for kids that are Adopted later on in life or those that spent their first few years in another Country. Not necessarily with those that are brought home straight from the Hospital. I know the thought of Attachment Disorder has run across my mind several times over the last year as her behavior escalated, but every time it came up I managed to stuff it down into my "denial" box and told myself that it simply wasn't possible.

That sentence there above describes my child. Plain and simple. My wonderful, beautiful Princess. So how did it happen?? WHEN? WHY???? and WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT!!!!!

I thought we did everything right in those first few crucial years. We parented her just as we did with our boys - heck we probably did more! She was doted on hand and foot. After all, she truly was our little Princess.

When she was a newborn she overstimulated easily from noises, movement, lights and eye contact, All thanks to drug exposure in utero. I often sat in the nursery with her and just held her tight. She would be swaddled up like a little burrito and I was careful to not rock her or look her in the eyes. She would have been happy to just lay in the crib alone in the dark, quiet room but we simply couldn't bear to leave her there so we would take turns sitting with her in complete silence. We did this for weeks while her little body learned to adjust to sensory imput. Gradually she learned to function outside of the dark quiet nursery but she seemed to be developing very slowly.

At her well baby checkup the red flags went up and alarm bells began going off. She was 4 months old and yet had the milestones of a 2 week old. She couldn't lift her head up off the floor and move it from one side to the other. She still didn't make very much eye contact. She certainly didn't smile yet- let alone laugh or giggle. It was bad. Very bad. We were told at that point that the drug exposure was probably not to blame. Delays like this are caused by Alcohol exposure. It was very possible that she may have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I cried the entire way home and for days afterwords. Her therapies were increased and some added. She was in OT, PT and Speech several times a week throughout her first year. Slowly but surely she came out of her shell. She is now at or above age level in nearly every area. It took a lot of work, determination and love.

...so HOW IN THE HECK could she have managed to get Attachment Disorder?

*sigh* I think I need to attend that Webinar because I just don't get it.

The past few weeks have been nothing but haze. As I sit and try and update this I honestly have a hard time picking and choosing what the write about.

Princess has been more difficult than ever. Just when I think we're going to have a breakthrough and she will realize that she's 4 now and should stop the crazy behavior, she does something else. I swear some of the things she does are things we've learned about in our Foster Parenting classes that are classic of abused and neglected kids. (Her latest antics are urinating on the floor behind her bed and she's escalated the stealing and hiding that she's done since very early on, before we even considered it "stealing") Yet she was never abused or neglected!! We got her straight from the Hospital. It makes me wonder how much genetics really plays in each of us.

I've been thinking a lot about the comments said on the stand during the trail before the Adoption was finalized. At the advice our our attorney we hired this Psychologist who came in and observed our family interactions with Princess. She did an independent bonding assesment to present to the court. This woman had studied and written books on Bonding and Attachment and was an expert in the field. Did you know Bonding and Attatchment are 2 very different things? I didn't, that is until we listened to her speak that day on the stand. She talked about how even newborns suffer loss when separated from their Biological Mothers. Some more than others, but it was well documented and it didn't matter how good of a home that the child went too. So is this something that Princess suffered? Is the reason she has such strange behaviors now?

I admit, that really seems like a stretch. After all, she's 4 yrs old now! Seems she would have gotten past that by now.

In the meantime, the two of us continue to butt heads. I try and be as consistent as possible with her. In the past, this was very difficult because hubby had the mentality that she was his perfect princess and let her get away with everything- but now even he is frustrated with her.

Yesterday was just awful. She awoke in a bad mood and I knew it was going to be a bad day. We ended up going shopping for new shoes for the boys. She was sitting in the cart fussing because I wouldn't let her stand up in the cart. (Imagine that!? I'm such a mean terrible mom hu?) Unfortunately, she cannot be trusted to walk and must be in the cart. Anyway, she reached up and slapped me across the face for no apparent reason. It completely took me by surprise and I reacted. That was just the beginning of our difficult day. Just an hour later I had to take her kicking and screaming away from her Soccer Game because she was acting up and I verbally told her if she wouldn't stop then we were leaving. Of course, I had to follow through- so off we went. The boys and I had the pleasure of listening to her scream miserably the whole way home.

The afternoon didn't improve much. I tried taking her outside while I worked in the yard but she wouldn't stay nearby and kept wandering off. We don't have a fence and back to an open space filled with trees and a pond. We had a Coyote appear in our backyard just last week wanting to feast on our new puppy. I just can't have her wandering off like that!! After 2 warnings I had to take her inside to her room. We are very consistent- yet she STILL DOESN'T LEARN!?!?!?

I'm spent. I'm frustrated and questioning things I never imagined I'd be questioning. I need to post more because I feel so much better when I do....

If you're ever bored on a Friday afternoon, drive down to your local Social Security Administration office and people watch.

Thanks to Rumblings and Bumblings I realized I needed to change the Princess's Social Security Card to reflect her new name. (Yes, the name that was changed over a year ago now!! Oops)

We haven't done our taxes yet, but had I not read M's post, they would have been rejected just like theirs was. Needless to say I was relieved to find out before hand.

Anyway, I show up to the SS office and I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor. There were SO. MANY. PEOPLE! I walked up and took a number. My number was N37, I looked up at the screen and they were on number N229. YEAH. The numbers would go up to 300 and then flip over and start a 1 again. There were also people holding R numbers AND people that had appointments that didn't have a number.

I looked around and saw people from every walk of life. It's not every day you see such a mix of people. Plus, there were just so many of us waiting in this huge room I felt like I was in a foreign Country and trying to gain access to the United States.

I waited there for nearly 3 hrs.... 3 hrs people!!!! When I was finally called back I presented my documents to the woman and she began looking through them. She abruptly stopped and declared I needed another form of ID for Princess.

Okay, I had already brought her 2 Birth Certificates, (the original, and the new one with our names in place of bio's) her current SS card AND the Certified Adoption Decree. SHE'S 3 lady! How many more forms of ID could she possibly have??? She tells me I needed to bring her shot record. Ummmmm no. I brought all the documentation I was told I would need. She and I went back and forth and in the end she allowed me to proceed, but boy for a minute there I thought I was going to have to kick her ass. (After sitting for 3 hours NO ONE is in a particularly good mood)

SIGH

While there, I changed my Social Security card to reflect my married name too. We've only been married 11 years now. *GIGGLE* Yes, yes I admit it. I am a procrastinator.

I hope to never have to set foot there again. EVER.

Today, marks the 1st Anniversary of Princess's Adoption Day. Boy does time fly!!!

I wanted to post a new wonderful picture of her to mark this day, but you'll have to settle for one I took 2 weeks ago.

Why? Well, Princess is very sick right now. She's been running a temp for 5 days. Her neck is stiff and one of the glands is so swollen, her head is cooked over to the side. Motrin and Tylenol don't bring her temp down much or make her feel better.

The Doctor feels she has some kind of Bacterial infection and so we're pushing the Antibiotics. I hope she get's to feeling better really soon so I can stop worrying. (And of course so she feels better!)

I was recently made aware that Princess's birth mom is doing extremely well. I've been told she is clean and holding down a job! It's wonderful news!

You see, we were told during our Foster Parent classes that only 1 in 10 Meth addicts can ever become free from the addiction. Meth is probably the hardest drug addiction to overcome...even harder than Cocaine.

Princess has 3 biological siblings. Their birth mother isn't parenting any of them. She was never able to stay with any programs offered by Human Services long enough to help get any of her children back. She was in and out of jail, and many different rehabs.

When Princess was a newborn, I sat with the birth mom each week before her supervised visits began and listened to her talk about how much she loved all of her children. I watched as she cradled her newborn daughter, and cried. She would sit with Princess on her chest, just taking in the smell of the top her head. There was no doubt in my mind this woman loved her children with every bone in her body. -Yet the very next week she wouldn't show up for her visit. I always suspected when a visit was missed it was thanks to some kind of substance that had come in between visiting her child. She and Birth-Dad missed so many visits, they were finally canceled altogether.

At the time, I really didn't hold out much hope that she would ever come clean. In my mind, there's no bigger goal than to reunite with your children. I guess the addiction was just too strong.

Anyway, while I am very glad to have this beautiful child to call my own now, my heart still (and probably always will) aches sometimes because she could not be with her biological mommy. I guess it's because I was able to see how much this woman truly loved her. She just wasn't able to overcome the addiction in time.

While the news of her doing so well is great to hear, we have to keep in mind she's not yet in the clear. I've read that the addiction to Meth is so strong, one must be clean 2-3 years before you're out of the woods!

I hope and pray Princess's birth mom is able to remain drug free. You never know, someday her daughter may want to seek her out. If that day comes, I want Princess to meet the woman I know her birth mom must be inside.... The one I saw briefly that carressed and cried for her daughter. The one that love was eminating from. Not a homeless drug addict. I don't want my child to ever see that side to her birth mom.

My fingers are crossed.

So I missed National Adoption Day. It was on Saturday! As we approach the 1 year Anniversary of our own Princess's Adoption, it brings me great joy to tell you a little about National Adoption Day.

*Traditionally, National Adoption Day is celebrated the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Out of respect for the nation's remembrance of the 45th anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy on November 22, the National Adoption Day Coalition elected to move the celebration of National Adoption Day this year only to the Saturday prior.

I've been awarded my very first award!! It came from Dorsey over at Searching For My Inner Skinny.
Here are the rules...

1. Put the award up on your blog
2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you
3. Nominate at least seven other blogs
4. Add links to these blogs on your blog
5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog

So, as with so many other awards, I need to share the love. Since Adoption Day is in November and it's right around the corner, I think I'll give this award to some of my fellow Adoption bloggers...

In no particular order:

Born in our Hearts - She's adopted 2 beautiful little girls. One was through a disrupted International Russion Adoption, and the other a Domestic Adoption.

Cookie Crumbs and Bit Bits - Tamara and her husband have completed 2 Foster Care Adoptions!

From Yuppies to Parents in just 8 months- This couple is going to be adopting privately from a family member. Their story is a new one and I look forward to reading more about their journey.

Keeping afloat most days- Brenda adopted through the Foster Care system like we did, and her son is about the same age as Princess!

Through the eyes of an Adoptive family in waiting This family was JUST MATCHED for an Open Adoption! I am SO excited for them! The baby is due Dec. 28th. All my fingers and toes are crossed.

My Life A newbie on the block! They are hoping to adopt from the Foster Care system. They're currently finishing up classes and I look forward to reading about their journey as they get their feet wet. :-D

You could always adopt Dream Mommy has adopted a handsome little boy from the Foster Care system and continues to be foster in hopes that they may adopt again.

I've hummed and hawwwed over whether to post this here on my blog. There are people who read here that will not understand. However, there are many that read here... that just might. It is those people that I want to hear comments from. Please don't judge me, for those of you that can't help yourself, don't bother! I wont post them.

I am near my breaking point. Life stressors have changed. Now instead of worrying about how we're going to pay our mortgage every month ( hubby injured his Shoulder at work and was out of commission for several months) he's working 2 FT jobs and we're quickly catching up. We'll soon be ahead and just in time for Christmas. I should be celebrating. I should be jumping for joy. Instead I no longer have ANY support here at home day or night and I'm literally ready to run away. Abandon my 4 children and disappear into another life. Of course, that will never happen, but I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't seriously crossed my mind.

I'm majorly sleep deprived thanks to Princess. The child DOES NOT SLEEP. She keeps me running after her the entire day, a nap is a rare occurrence and now having her keep me up all night too is breaking me. I dread each morning and what the new day will bring. I seriously need respite care. Funny how that's one thing I would have never imagined asking for in our Adoption subsidy. We've had her since she was 2 days old. Raised her as our own from the very beginning- yet I have to admit she is so very different. She's programmed different and nothing we have done could have changed that. Had she been older, we certainly would have asked for something like Respite to keep our sanity, but we never thought we'd need it.

I'm not sure why, but I have had recent feelings of... well... I don't even know what to call them kind of feelings. They come from pure frustration, probably exhaustion too. I just feel like I'm failing her. We've been through the PCIT therapy. We've been consistent. We've done everything we know what to do. It's not normal for a 3 yr old to sleep 2-3 hours in a 24hr period consistantly. NOT NORMAL!!! It's also not normal for a 3yr old child to have some kind of need to constantly be getting into things. Day or night, she's getting into things she's not supposed too. She's like a 1 yr old in that regard. 1 y/o's don't really know better...nearly 4y/o's DO! Yet she can't. She lacks the impulse control.

Recently Princess had another bad night. She was literally up and down all night long. I fought her most of the night, but at some point after 4:30am I fell into a deep, dead sleep and didn't wake up until 6:15 when I usually get up. Wanna know what I found?

Yeah, let's see... her bedroom floor covered with a big mess of red "something" all over her carpet. Upon further inspection under her bed (where she puts things she's knows she's not supposed to have) this is what I found:

1 empty ziplock bag
1 empty playdoh container (white playdoh that had been stored in the said Ziplock bag)
1 pair of very sharp kitchen scissors
1 empty box of Cherry Jello mix
1 plastic knife (THANK GOD it was plastic!)

OMG This is never coming out of our brand new carpet. THANK GOODNESS she didn't hurt herself with the scissors or cut off all her hair!! What if next time, it's not a Plastic knife, but a REAL one???

We've tried everything.
*Baby gates don't work. She climbs them or knocks them down.
*Co-sleeping. She waits until we're sleeping and climbs out of bed to get into anything she can.
*We've tried locking her door from the outside. It makes it worse. I'm forced to sit through hours of screaming. I mean HOURS upon HOURS of screaming. It just can't be good for her emotionally.
*I've taken her to the Doctor. He can't find anything physically wrong with her and feels it must be Psychological/Behavioral and she may need some kind of therapy. Someone please tell me, how can a 3y/o benefit from therapy??

ACK, this post is going to turn into a novel if I keep this up. To make a long story short, I think I am beginning to resent my beautiful little Princess. I'm finding that I actually need to get away from her. A question for fellow Adoptive families.... Am I suffering from "Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome" (PADS)? I've seen the term thrown around before, but we're nearly 1 year post finalization here. Plus we Adopted here in the United States, not abroad and we've had her since she was 2 days old. Do you think it's still possible? Could it even set in this late in the game??

GAH- On the other hand, maybe I just need sleep.

I've blogged about this before, but I feel I MUST post it again. I admit, I haven't run into many issues regarding Adoption Language...thankfully.

Unfortunately, there are a few people out there that don't seem to understand their words can be EXTREMELY hurtful. It really stings when someone refers to your child as anything less than YOURS. I think the blinkie in my sidebar sums it up quite nicely.

What is...

A Natural Child? Any Child that is not artificial.
A Real Parent? Any Parent that is not imaginary.
Your own Child? Any Child that is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child? A Natural Child, with a Real Parent, who is all my own!


So for those of you that don't already know, here are some tips on how to refer to other people's "Adopted Children"...

Use Positive language (Negative language is noted in parentheses)

Just say...
Birthparent (Don't say "Real parent"! It's crass)

Biological parent (Don't say "Natural parent" because we are NOT artificial!)

Birth child (Don't say "Own child" because he/she IS all my own)

Your child (Don't refer to my child as "Your adopted child" He/She is just my child. Plain and simple. I don't describe your child with a verb. How would you like for me to say, "I am going to pick up their short child from Kindergarten for them" It's the same thing.)

Terminating parental rights (Don't say "Giving up" because not all adopted children were voluntarily placed for Adoption.)

Made an adoption plan (It's much nicer than "Gave away"!)

Chose to parent (Don't say "Chose to keep")

Waiting child (Adoptable child)

Making contact with (Reunion)

Parent (Again, I am her PARENT, not her "Adoptive parent")

Child placed for adoption (NEVER say "An unwanted child")

Child with special needs (Handicapped child)

Child from abroad (Don't use the term, "Foreign child". This is self explainable)

Was adopted ("Is adopted" places a label on a child. WAS Adopted is past tense. We've moved on and she is now a permanent member of our family.)

I will announce the winner of the book tomorrow. For now, I must pay tribute to a wonderful artist and singer Stephen Curtis Chapman for the loss of his youngest daughter....



"....take these moments that we have, while you have them."

Steven's 5 yr old daughter Maria, adopted from China, was killed in a tragic accident. Their family is needing many prayers.

Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter killed by car in driveway

By KATE HOWARD and LINDA ZETTLER • Staff Writers • May 21, 2008

Steven Curtis Chapman’s youngest child died Wednesday afternoon after being struck by a car driven by her teenage brother in the driveway of the family’s Williamson County home.

Maria, one of the Christian singer’s six children, was taken by LifeFlight to Vanderbilt Hospital, which confirmed the death, according to Laura McPherson, a spokeswoman for the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

The 5-year-old was hit by an SUV driven by her teenage brother, she said. Police did not give the driver’s name.

The teen was driving a Toyota Land Cruiser down the driveway of the rural home at about 5:30 p.m. and several children were playing in the area, McPherson said. He did not see Maria in the driveway before the vehicle struck her, she said.

“It appears to be a terrible accident,’’ McPherson said.

No charges are expected, she said. The accident was witnessed by two other children; the entire family was home at the time, McPherson said.

Singer/songwriter Chapman, who recently was inducted into Music City Walk of Fame, is one of contemporary Christian music’s most recognizable and most awarded names.

He and his wife Mary Beth have long been supporters of international adoption, having brought three girls from China into their family. Maria was the youngest.
The couple is so active in the cause that they formed an organization, Shaohannah’s Hope, to aid families wanting to adopt.

With his latest music tour, which came through Nashville in November, Chapman started a campaign called “Change for Orphans”. He asked audience members at each stop to bring spare change to the concert, where it was counted and given to a local family to aid in their adoption process.

“I don’t know of anybody who loves his children more than he does and is so committed to the adoption concept, and to lose one, no matter what the circumstances, is heartbreaking beyond all comprehension,” said John Styll, president of the Nashville-based Gospel Music Association.

“He talks about his kids all the time. That’s his life. His kids are more important to him than music, that’s for sure.”


Please join me in prayer for this fellow adoptive family. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain they must be in.

Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife, Mary Beth, founded Shaohannahshope, helping adoptive parents overcome the financial barriers associated with adoption.

I got a WONDERFUL surprise in the mail yesterday. Something that I wasn't expecting. (Well, I *was* expecting it, but I wasn't really on the lookout for it you know?)

What was it you ask???

Princess's brand NEW BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!!!!!!!

With ME as her Mother and Hubby as her Father. I stared at the certificate for a long time just taking it all in. Kind of like the Final Decree of Adoption that we'd got within 2 days of the Adoption being finalized.

It was so exciting to open the envelope and realize what it was I held in my hand. The very last piece is now in place. We can now get her a new Social Security Number. We can officially enroll her in school, (just an example, she's got a few years before that yet) or in Soccer or Dance etc.

I'm so giddy over a funny little piece of paper! :-)

Court went on without a hitch. (Besides being delayed about an hour, but that seems par for the course!) I hope to share more about our special day tomorrow but for now I leave you with a video montage that I've put together....

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My head is pounding. After walking on air for the last few days (excitment over the Adoption date) I was suddenly brought back down to reality.

NJ's Neurosurgeon in Chicago requested we have a Swallow Study done before our appointment next month. So I put a call into our pediatrician here in Oklahoma City and told them what needed to be done. (I told them he needed a "SWALLOW STUDY" just as it was worded to me) I also made sure they have the name and number of the specialist in Chicago in case there were any questions.

His "Swallow Study" was scheduled for today. As I checked in, they verify with me that we're getting a "Barium Swallow"? Ummm?? I guess?? I tell them, we're getting a Swallow Study done. No one questioned me, so I assumed that Barrium Swallow is a different name for a Swallow Study.

Well, I was wrong. After the procedure was completed, the Pysicians Assistant tells me he swallowed the liquid just fine, no problems.

Liquid? Ummm... he doesn't choke on liquid. Just foods.

The PA then says there is another test, a Dysphagiagram that looks at the chewing and swallowing of foods and textures.

OMG, so I just payed for a very expensive procedure that we didn't need!?!? Somewhere in the communication between Neurosurgeon, Pediatrician and Hospital, someone screwed up. I'm not familiar with the Medical Name for these tests. How am I supposed to catch on to something like this?

I'm mad!

Our official ADOPTION DATE!!!!!!!!! Yes, in just one week she will be officially, 100%, legally OUR DAUGHTER. We are ecstatic!

I haven't heard a word from the Adoption Worker since last week. She told me by Monday we'd have a date. Here it is Thursday and still, not a word. So what's the hold up?? I want to call them so badly and ask! I just can't bring myself to pick up the phone. I feel like all we do is nag, bitch and complain. We are so close, I just can't figure out what the hold up could be.

I just want them to tell me a date. Confirm it for us. We need to begin planning. We'd like to have a big Adoption Party. Then again, maybe we'll just have an expanded Birthday Party? (Her birthday is later in Feb.) I wouldn't feel right having 2 big parties within weeks of each other. We need a date so we can decide if we'll be finalizing the Adoption over the phone (as long as the Judge approves it which is still up in the air) or if our large family will have to travel to Denver. The logistics of that, when/where/how long we'll stay etc etc etc....

I'm going crazy here. I just need a DATE darnit!!!!!

So call me impatient. I really am! I'll be the first one to admit it. (My husband is nodding his head furiously)

I couldn't just sit around any more. Not since I know how close we are. I didn't want our case to fall through any more cracks. So this afternoon I picked up the phone on a whim and called our Adoption Worker. She answered the phone right away and told me she had filed the paperwork TODAY at the Courthouse. She said typically she will hear back regarding a court date within the same day, but it's possible that the Clerk and/or Judge are still out on Holiday and we should hear something by Monday.

Worst case scenario? Our Adoption date will be Feb. 5th. She said there is a Permanency Planning set up for that day already and they may just do it then. She's hoping that's not the case and we'll get in sooner.

Heck, after all this time, I'm good with Feb. 5th!! If it comes sooner than that, WONDERFUL.

It's almost surreal. We're actually going to finalize this Adoption!

I read an article on Yahoo yesterday that made me burn inside.

Can an Adopted Child be returned?

As the day progressed, the fire inside me grew bigger and bigger. It's Adoptive parents such as these that give Adoptive parents all over the world a bad name. What they did was inexcusable. It's straight and simple... they abandoned their 8 year old daughter. In essence, returning her like a gallon of spoiled milk.

I understand from the Article that she probably suffered from Attachment Disorder. I acknowledge Attachment Disorder is often very difficult to work with, it is probably the single biggest cause of disrupted Adoptions here in the United States.

So what's my problem? Well, this child was Adopted at the age of 4 months. The family "claims" she never adapted to their culture, food or home. WTH??? Come on!!!! She was a tiny little baby. I don't believe that EXCUSE for one minute. 4 month olds will eat what you give them. If there were signs of Attachment Disorder, I want to know what they did to overcome it!?

When you have a biological child that gets into trouble, that becomes difficult... do parents just throw up their hands and give them back?? NO!!!!! So what's the difference? Once Adopted, the child becomes YOUR CHILD. There is no turning back, there is no changing your mind.

I wish there was someway to prevent this from happening. It's just not fair to the children.